


Pet Cactus

by Kolokan



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2020-06-03 00:15:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19452445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kolokan/pseuds/Kolokan
Summary: Oscar Martinez gets flustered while trying to reject a developing crush on his coworker. Things get weird when said coworker also has someone else who feels the same.





	1. Pet Cactus

Oscar Martinez did not believe he was someone who cared about others' opinions of him. When he was made fun of at work, he usually did not comment. When people considered him unexciting and uninteresting, and excluded him from after-work activities, he didn't comment much on that either. He noticed it, but refused to acknowledge it because he didn't care. Unfortunately, Oscar wasn't invisible to Andy Bernard, who'd been latched onto him since day one. Day one being the moment the Stamford branch was absorbed by the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin.

It appeared that Andy didn't find Oscar unpleasant despite his being labelled as bland. It was strange that Andy made this silent agreement to be workplace friends with Oscar -- considering that Andy was so strikingly spontaneous and energetic, it was _especially_ strange. 

And that's what was currently on Oscar's mind. Not his current accounting assignment, but his coworkers' opinions of him. And Andy's opinion of him. Lost in this incredibly unprofessional train of thought, he glanced at Andy, who toyed with a pencil in his hand while leaned back in the chair at his desk. It was a few seconds before Andy caught the wide-eyed stare in his peripheral vision, turning around at this and staring right at a startled Oscar. "Is there… something on my back? It's not a 'kick me' note, is it?" He asked at a calm volume, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Nervously, Oscar shook his head and denied, "No, sorry. I was just um… looking at that." He pointed vaguely towards Andy's desk, he just hoped that Andy would see the hypothetical object that had Oscar so transfixed.

"Mmm… at… what, exactly?" Andy continued with a quizzical head-tilt and twirl of his pencil, unrewarding Oscar's half-baked attempt at a lie. 

Hurriedly, Oscar surveyed Andy's entire desk to search for a plausible contender. Nothing seemed to fit his tastes believably enough. "Um, your pet cactus," he stammered far too immediately at the sight of a tiny cactus plant; he hadn't given himself time to think before he spoke.

"My what?"

"Cactus," replied Oscar with a small swallow, rubbing his sweaty temple with the back of his hand.

"You said 'pet cactus'," said Andy surely, tapping the eraser-end of his pencil to his chin.

Despite the awkward truth, Oscar kept on shaking his head. "No… I didn't." It pained him that the topic wasn't fading. And then… 

"I heard you, Oscar. You did," sounded Kevin's gruff, unabashed voice. He had shaken his head disapprovingly at Oscar's poor lying skills.

With a shake of the head, Meredith chimed in without looking away from her computer monitor, "I have to agree with Kevin. You totally called it a pet." 

Under all of the stress, Oscar shot right up, and straightened his tie as soon as he did. All eyes had already swerved to him, some even requiring that the person's head turn to face him to do so. Andy watched amusedly, a cheesy smile developing from what was once a confused, quizzical look. "All right, everyone. I admit it. I called Andy's cactus plant a 'pet cactus'. Sue me, okay?" 

Before anyone could react, Angela stated with a determined glare, "I will."

Pam and Jim made surprised eye contact from across the room. This was definitely unusual behavior for Oscar. He thought that, too, as he sat down restraining an awkward smile, still making eye contact with Andy.  
It seemed like it was all over when Andy turned back to his desk. But instead of typing or making a work call, he picked up his miniature cactus, cooing, "Who's a good girl? Who is a good little cactus? You are! _You_ are!"

Oscar broke out into a sneaky bout of laughter, ducking his head as he tried to silence it. Once he had begun laughing, Andy blushed hard and turned to the camera with a toothy grin.

It was then that Oscar Martinez decided he did care quite a bit about what others thought of him.


	2. The PDA Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building off of an invisible arc where Michael gets jealous of people in relationships, Andy and Oscar feel a bit of insecurity. Especially Andy, but you know, that guy has some issues. Enjoy!

Everyone had gathered in the conference room of the Scranton branch office to listen to Michael complain about relationships. Well, except, it was about the appropriate behavior for couples in the workplace. He had used it as an opportunity to complain, though. "So… in short, that whole lovey-dovey thing? Knock it off, guys. Not cool to punish everybody else because they don't have someone amazing to share your energy with."

"Come on, Michael. I think you're just being jealous," Toby managed to say, his eyelids fluttering a bit as he observed Michael shuffling on his feet.

Jim, whilst patting Pam on the shoulder, concurred, "Yeah, Toby's right, you gotta stop man."

When Toby noticed this contact, his tone changed drastically. "Or… well, maybe some of the PDA in this office should be addressed," he said in a catty but small voice.

"YES! See? He sees it. Anyone else see it?" Michael said, validated by an unlikely ally. 

Gasping with an exasperated twitch of the face, Pam exclaimed, "Toby?! Are you serious?" To which Toby defensively shrugged, doing a turtle-like motion with his neck that sunk in his collar.

Withdrawing his hand from Pam's shoulder ashamedly, Jim offered a stony stare at Toby. He was annoyed, but otherwise unsurprised considering the HR representative's occasional jealous outbursts. "Well, Michael, why don't we just ask people to stop being friendly, so we don't make the friendless people jealous?" Jim asked sarcastically, giving a taunting raise of the eyebrows as he turned his gaze to the suddenly uproarious room of people. It seemed the question was rhetorical enough to speak for itself.

"That is… a great idea, Jim. Hey Oscar, hear that? No more complimenting Andy on his ‘pet cactus’. It's draining to people like Kevin who have no friends,” Michael said excitedly, getting high off of any ounce of agreement, make-believe agreement or not.

The footage cut to Kevin at a different point of time, who commented to the camera, "I **do** have friends."

The short confessional whipped back to the huge scene in the office. Andy and Oscar had locked eyes at Michael's unexpected remark. "Uh, well, that won't be a problem for me and Andy," Oscar said with a cheeky smile, his eyes moving over to Andy. However, Andy had a surprising little frown.

"It won't?" Andy asked softly, drawing sensitive and nosy stares from the nearby Phyllis and Kelly.

The sensitive, perhaps even _worried_ remark made Oscar hesitate a bit. He even saw Andy bite his lip subtly. The look in Andy's eyes was actually nervous. "Well, we-- we're _adults in the workplace,_ Andy," Oscar mumbled heatedly, trying to ignore the room of people listening in on his conversation. It was actually strangely like a conversation he had with Andy not that long ago, where he had reminded him of their obligation to workplace maturity. _What am I doing?_ he thought worriedly, wiping a finger across his temple as it generated sweat. 

"Uh. What he said," Michael commented in regards to Oscar’s quiet comment, toying with the cuff of his left sleeve a bit without looking away from the room of sitting office employees. 

“I think that’s kinda stupid,” Andy said boldly -- or perhaps he was just too unaware of himself for his audacity to be born of boldness.

Mouth forming into an annoyed and childish grimace, Michael sighed before rolling back into an energetic state, “Why’s that, Andy?”

Now everyone was really drilling their eyes into Andy, most of them expecting no more than a nervous and inarticulate reply. Pretending not to care, Oscar kept his hands gently clasped together while avoiding looking at the scene. As he responded to Michael, Andy’s pupils dilated and he came to look nauseous. “Because having friends is…,” Andy spoke slowly, struggling on forming the words together as an idea, “good for your work ethic. ‘Cause like, you’re so happy to have friends at work that you… um…” Andy’s utterance of the phrase “um” was triggered by the unamused looks of derision from his coworkers. Looking down with a stern pout, he retracted his belief, “Yeah, I got nothing.” Little did Andy know, Oscar writhed in his chair in pain at how embarrassed he was for him. Feeling the cringe on behalf of Andy, Oscar felt more than a common sympathy.

As everyone moved on from how ridiculous this monologue had been, Dwight said, “Well, since nobody asked, I’ll just announce: I think this is a **GREAT** idea. It would totally change the game for us. Like, if we had a ‘no talk unrelated to business’ rule formally written and --”

“No, NO! We are not making any rules, Dwight! I hate them. I hate rules, rules are for Tobies,” Michael barked, gesturing wildly as he dismissed the ideas Dwight added. This led Dwight to back up like a stoic puppy being yelled at by its owner. 

“Michael, I’m right here,” Toby said with an unchanging face. At this point it was hard to emotionally react to Michael’s hatred for him.

“Shut it, Toby! God, I can’t with you people!” Michael loudly scoffed, walking up to the whiteboard in close proximity to him. He grabbed an EXPO marker vigorously and popped the cap off with equal hyperactivity. Quickly, he started wiping it roughly across the whiteboard.

The room was finally quiet as people tried to guess what Michael was drawing. Soon enough, he backed away to present it. Two crude stick figures were hanging on the board, their orb heads connecting into what appeared to be a kiss. On the thin line meant to be the torso, one stick figure had two enormous C-shaped lumps overlapping with the other stick figure’s torso. “See this, everyone? Are you looking? Take a good look, because,” Michael said, huffing as he overexerted himself and stretched a large X across the two mingling stick figures, “this is exactly what you _shouldn’t_ be doing in the workplace.” 

Gasping at a sudden realization, seeing the initials “J” and “P” on the stick figures’ heads, Pam groaned, “Michael??? Is that supposed to be me and Jim?”

Cowering, Michael shook his head. “What? Why would you think that? Jeez, Pam, not everything revolves around you and Jim.”

“It literally says ‘J’ and ‘P’ on their heads, and the ‘P’ one has boobs,” Jim agreed exasperatedly, glaring at the whiteboard. One might’ve used the expression that Jim couldn’t believe what he was seeing but sadly, Jim knew Michael too long to be in a state of disbelief.

Now Michael stepped back, acting like he was searching for what Jim was talking about. Very, very poorly, he mocked the discovery that there appeared to be a J and P on the stick figures. “Oh my God, I’m sorry, those are just scrawl lines. It’s been a while since I uh, brushed up on drawing,” he lied with a horrible smile that indicated he was lying. Now people started to get up and walk out, one after another. No one said a word as they simply emptied the conference room to do much more valuable things with their time. Watching them leave, Michael guffawed, “C’mon, it wasn’t a *tch* little bit funny?” He was holding back snorts at something nobody else found funny. “Wait, Ryan! You have to laugh at this. I’ll fire you if you don’t!” He said with a serious expression as Ryan approached the exit. When Ryan looked back at him, piercing his eyes, he just broke out into laughter. “Ohhh! Ryan, wait, if only you could’ve seen your face,” he giggled terribly hard. Eventually, the room was only occupied by Michael, whose laughing died down alongside his mood. Now he felt ashamed of how he had acted in front of all of the office workers. He looked at his drawing in shame. For a moment, he pondered whether or not anything was really his fault. And of course he decided that it wasn’t.

After this lonely moment, a confessional of Erin flashed onto the screen. She was smiling quirkily to the camera. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but… I _did_ think it was a little bit funny.” Seconds later, she winked and vertically stuck out her index finger to her lips. “Shhh!”

***  
Andy still wasn’t responding.

In the break room, Oscar and Andy sat at the same table, but Andy refused to speak. At first Oscar had said nothing too. But when he tried to provoke any discussion at all Andy wouldn’t budge. There was an indescribable feeling of guilt that Oscar tried to ward off by playing the maturity card. “Look, Andy, I really didn’t think I said anything out-of-line. It’s important to be professional. Is it not?”

The stiff, seemingly uncaring comment got no response from Andy, who just silently ate a bowl of cheerios with a gloomy, evil stare. To him, he’d been brushed aside by one of the few people in the office he thought he could confide in.

Finally, something changed. Oscar no longer felt he could play it unaffectedly anymore, and he sighed, “All right. I’m sorry.”

A flash of life possessed Andy to glance at Oscar, no longer staring at the wall while coldly eating cereal. Trying to seem rather untouched still, he prods, “The Nard Dog wants to hear you say why.”

“Um,” Oscar breathily laughed, tugging at his collar. He gave a look of amusement and embarrassment to Andy. “Are you serious? Andy, are you thirteen?”

“The Nard Dog no longer answers to that,” Andy said before drinking his cheerio milk. In his mind he mused how much better strawberries made cereal taste.

“Okay, ‘Nard Dog’, I’m sorry for… being such a jerk.”

“A butt, more like,” Andy corrected insistently. Some passion returned to his previously lowered voice.

“I’m not saying that.”

“Say it or the Nard Dog will never trust again.”

“That… sounds like an ultimatum that’ll hurt you way more than me.”

Voice cracking as he finally connects eyes with Oscar, Andy beckons, “Say it.”

Taken aback, Oscar stammers, “I- I’m sorry for being such an, um, butt.”

A smile peeked on Andy’s face. It was so pleasant and adorable how his lips brightly upturned in joy. “The Nawrd Dawg acceps yourw apowogy,” Andy said in a baby-ish voice that made Oscar unironically laugh. In the heat of the moment, the two men exchanged a warm hug, the smooth fabric of their clothes brushing against each others’ skin.

Standing by the vending machine, Pam pushed her hair behind her ear, as she’d been watching this exchange the entire time. To the camera, she whispered, “I came in here to get a coke, but instead, I got free entertainment.” She smiled as she finished speaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you thought, like if it was all right and/or if you want more. Or maybe you hated it and don't want more. Either way I'd still like to know. Anyway, thanks for reading!


	3. Precursor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up between romantic competitors. Andy feels incompetent.

The office of Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch was pretty quiet. It was a chilly Friday evening and everyone was waiting on the end of the day. Pam and Jim pranked Dwight only once, which was astonishing even during a quiet day. Andy had only sung once or twice, and only then it was in tidbits. Angela's attitude was few and far between. Surprisingly, Meredith was sober, and withdrawals hadn't been too prevalent. Not even _Michael Scott_ stirred. All in all, the day was especially slow and boring. Maybe that's why Andy had a strong urge to talk with Oscar.

He badly wanted to send an unprofessional email. But he refrained. Work would be over soon enough anyway. Biting his lip, he pretended to be an even-okay salesperson. His mind traced back to Oscar. _Would he be a good salesperson?_ Andy wondered. At that moment, Angela snapped, "Kevin! This earnings document is incomprehensible. Do you seriously need us to run a department above you?" 

"Don't sweat it," Oscar cut in snidely with a smile, math being his specialty, "I see exactly what numbers belong here. There… there… and," Oscar said, scribbling his work effortlessly onto the paper he took from Angela, "there." 

It was almost nauseating how smart Oscar was. In terms of math, at least. It was daunting to Andy, considering he felt much less impressive than that. Why would Oscar like him as a person if he had no value of that sort? So he decided to pull a little something, fabricating a conversation on the phone. "Mhmm? You'd like to order $3,800 worth of paper? Wow, that is just AMAZING… a loyalty contract for ten years? Don't pull my leg here, guys!" Andy said with an awkward look in his eyes. Such an awkward look was familiar to nearly everyone, but Oscar commented on it first.

Oscar shook his head to discourage this, not even dignifying it with words. But Andy continued to hold the phone to his ear. "Let me tell you guys that… um… Dunder Mifflin has your guys' back," he stated with performative hints of pride. They clashed with how increasingly nervous he was. After Oscar blinked hard, Andy ashamedly slipped the phone onto the receiver and wrapped his wrist around his mouth.

Erin appeared in a confessional, lacking her usual smile. "Andy totally could do that. He doesn't need to pretend," she assured the camera confidently.

Returning to the tense office environment, Oscar calmly approached Andy near the water cooler. "Why did you embarrass yourself like that earlier? Everyone felt bad for you. Even Stanley," Oscar whispered harshly, recognizing Andy's self-destructive narcissism coinciding with his low-self esteem and need for attention.

The camera panned to a confused and eavesdropping Stanley, whose person then flashed to a different point in time, alone in front of the camera. "No, that was gas."

"I'm sorry I'm not a math-genius like you," Andy whined with avoidant eye contact.

As bad as it was to be so self-indulgent during Andy's time of suffering, that remark flattered Oscar. He concealed his pride by focusing on his empathy to Andy. Softly, he said, "I think you are very talented, Andy. You make people here happy, do you really need to be good at sales? Dwight's great at sales, and he's not exactly a hotshot."

"I make people here happy?" Andy repeated, now looking at Oscar with a gleam of bewilderment and love in his eyes.

"You… make _me_ happy," Oscar said very jaggedly, suppressing a strange fluttering in his chest as he uttered those damning words about the insecure egomaniac and spur-of-the-moment singer obsessed with his fleeted greek life. 

Rubbing the back of his neck and sighing in mesmerization, Andy said, "Wow. Thanks. Me too, Oscar." Now they both just stood there, becoming silent with gazes that were deafeningly loud in the wake of said silence. Interrupting that, Andy cleared his throat, "Um, well, I'd better go back to sucking at sales."

"Ditto. Well, not ditto, because I'm not in sales. Uh, see you," Oscar flusteredly rambled, diving out of that wreck of a conversation. Leaving it, he swore that he felt a weird intimacy, like Andy exposed something beautiful to him. 

After two hours had passed, the day was nearly over. Ten minutes remained before everyone could go home. Although, Meredith left fifty minutes ago, saying something about an after-school club with no bus rides on Fridays. "Attention, everyone," Michael said, leaving his office with bed-head and soft red indents in his face, as he had definitely been sleeping. "I am going to Poor Richard's to get totally ~wasted~. Who wants to join me?"

Pam and Jim were the first to decline. "Sorry guys. We'll try to be out next time, though!"

Privately, in front of the cameraperson, Jim smiled besides Pam and admitted, "No, we won't."

Phyllis replied, "I'll see what Bob wants to do." Angela seemed disgruntled, but she'd likely go anyway. She loved being the sober designated driver by-choice. It was a huge boost in her otherwise bland life. 

The camera panned in on Erin, who had a quizzical expression. In confessional, she said, "I'll go. If Andy's going."

Sure enough, Andy expressed interest in going. "Hm, the Nard Dog could vibe with a jukebox right about now," mused Andy aloud.

Jarringly, Oscar and Erin both spoke at the same time. 

"I think I'll be there," Oscar exclaimed.  
"I'll go!" Erin chirped.

At that very moment, the two locked apprehensive eye contact from across the room. Until Erin lost her nerve and looked down at her desk. Feeling concern, Andy had a nervous and cheeky face. He suddenly spoke to the camera alone, laughing, "I feel really weird. That _was_ weird, wasn't it?" To which even the cameraperson moved the camera up and down to indicate a nod of confirmation. This was so damning that Andy went stone-faced.

Kevin added onto the crowd of attendees by exclaiming, "I like that lady bartender at Poor Richard's. She's hot."

"There are like three women who bartend at Poor Richard's," Pam replied exasperatedly. Kevin shrugged, smiling wider.

"I'm gonna go. This will be an opportunity to try out my unpatented Shrute felt cleaner," Dwight said, alluding to testing that on the billiards table.

Apathetically, Kelly said whilst frantically typing on her keyboard, "I'll go there just to get drunk for cheap, then I'll go to that expensive bar across the street to flirt with guys." Soon after she said that, Ryan appeared jealous and uncomfortable. This was intentional.

"Well gang, I'm heading out!" Michael announced, clasping his palms together as he prepared to lead the excitable group to a Friday night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys.


	4. Romantic Dissension

Entering Poor Richard's first was actually Angela, who had left the most swiftly of anyone. Before anyone else from her work could enter, she took a quick shot of tequila, not realizing she was being filmed. Later, she'd tell the camera with a spiteful look, "What?” She would then roll her eyes and mutter, “...You didn't see anything.”

Next inside were Michael and Dwight, as Michael had sped the whole way here. "Oh, look at that gorgeous green material, made of only the finest wool and nylon. I'm going to revolutionize this industry, yes I am…" Dwight said, talking to himself as he wiped his fingertips along the billiard table's cloth. 

Michael tiredly passed Dwight and headed directly to the counter. “Your most disgusting vodka, sir,” he moped, his mouth forming back into an unpleasant and self-piteous mug. 

“Do I have to say ‘my name’s Jake’ every time?” the bartender groaned, to which Michael began to pout harder. Yes, despite having met Jake time and time again, he lacked the emotional interest in memorizing his name. 

There were a couple of awkward seconds of bitter silence from Michael before Andy and Oscar arrived. Their cars had reached the parking lot at basically the exact same time, so they walked in together, talking. “Are you joking? You have terrible taste in music and TV and everything else blessed by Jesus,” Andy laughed, responding to an unheard part of the conversation that continued its way into Poor Richard’s.

“No, _Glee_ is unadulterated drivel, Andy. Why can’t you see that?” Oscar retorted, a smile swelling at his cheeks despite his adamant disagreement. An unexpected voice chimed in, though, fetching the duo’s immediate attention.

“Oh my gosh, _Glee?_ I LOVE that show.” It was Erin, who clearly scampered quickly behind the two and crept into their conversation. It gave Oscar a chill how utterly forced her addition was, and he bet that Andy couldn’t tell. 

“Really?” Andy asked, turning his attention to her as all three of them approached the counter, some faith restored in his coworkers. “Who is your favorite character?” 

“The gay one,” Erin blurted as quickly as possible, one of her hands going to her hair and pushing it behind her ear.

Hearing this, Oscar couldn’t help but cringe into the camera. It rapidly switched to Erin talking to the camera with Poor Richard’s still in the backdrop. “I don’t even know ANYTHING about that show except that there’s a gay guy in it. Behold... a seductress!” she proudly admitted, gesturing to herself like she was a heroine. Behind her, Andy began to laugh at something that Oscar said, to which Oscar drank a bit out of his wine glass. Erin looked away from it and cursed, “Oh, you’ve got to be [loud beep]ing kidding me!” 

Talking to the camera now, Oscar rambled, “Erin? Yeah, I like her. She is rather astonishingly innocent for her age, and I think that she has a sweet personality.” He paused for a few seconds, closing his eyes to sigh. He opened them again and said, “She is also making me incredibly uncomfortable.”

The three of them were shown ordering drinks, as the scene expanded to the rest of the cast now arriving and interacting. Kevin peered through the door, before getting a good look at the male bartender and making a grimly disappointed expression. “That is just awful. It’s not even the girl,” Kevin whined. 

Kelly overheard this and turned around. She then asked, “Which one?” It so happened that she had a friend who worked here and she prayed that Kevin wasn’t harassing them.

“Well… you know, they all kinda just blend together. That’s women,” Kevin replied, chuckling with his obscene level of ignorance.

Now Kelly appeared to be angry. She harshly scolded Kevin, “Do you seriously think that women look the same, Kevin?”

“Huh? No way,” he replied, voice shrunken with apprehension for the miniature lecture.

Kelly rolled her eyes until she began to straight-up chug hard liquor.

“Sir?” Dwight said, walking by Kelly and Kevin to the area of the bar where Jake was. “I’d like you to know that I just cleaned your billiards table with my own epic concoction, and I expect a handsome reward for doing so.”

A look of fear was plastered on Jake’s face. He was filled with enormous worry about whatever Dwight did to the billiards table. “Oh my God, you what?” Now he followed Dwight to it, looking at the damp material that clung so much more loosely to the wood. It looked desaturated, bleached almost. When he went to touch it, the cloth began to tear away without any further prompting. That’s when he dipped his face into his palms in order to avoid having a screaming fit in the middle of the bar.

Now Dwight had a knowing stare of concern and spite directed at the bartender. He idiotically asked, “So I assume that you’re not going to reimburse me for the cleaning?”

Suddenly the camera shifted to Jim and Pam back in the office, both of them smiling. “Go ahead, tell them. It was your idea anyway,” Jim giggled, ushering Pam to start speaking.

“We put acid in Dwight’s ‘felt cleaner’ prototype,” she gasped, trying her hardest not to die laughing.

“He wouldn’t shut up about it for like, a week. This is the least we could do,” Jim mused sarcastically.  
Back to Andy and co -- the jukebox was apparently gone. It immediately drew a string of bitter complaints from Andy that it was, since that was his primary reason for coming here. “I am like, so upset right now,” he said completely seriously. Which got Oscar to stifle a laugh. Then Andy almost hysterically hissed, “What’s so funny, Oscar? I would love to know!”

“Andy, it is just a jukebox, it is not the end of the world,” Oscar wheezed dismissively, taking no pleasure in Andy’s frustration but finding the source of it to be endearingly immature. 

Erin patted Andy on the shoulder and gave her sympathy. “Well, Andy, I care about the jukebox. I’m sorry it’s gone,” she comforted him, only to get a sheepish smile and a small “thanks” from Andy.

Now Oscar covered his face with his sleeve. He couldn’t decide if he was embarrassed, or tired, or jealous. Maybe all of those things in one big and negative emotion. Before he could think to say anything to diffuse the bizarre tension, Michael strode in as he uncovered his face.

“Hey you people, how are you doing?” Michael asked, looking at Erin and Andy’s closeness before adding, “Well, look at you lovebirds!” That’s when Oscar felt a bit of his soul dip. Heteronormativity was a Hell of a drug. And Oscar knew that Michael was definitely a crackhead.

Shyly, Andy pulled away and softly bumped into Oscar in doing so, blushing as he stated, “This isn’t -- that wasn’t a… me and Erin aren’t dating each other,” he spouted correctingly, getting a judgement and doubting look from his boss. More hidden from his view at his current angle, he also received a hurt and sour look from Erin.

Michael did not speak this language. “Secret workplace relationship? Yeppers, my lips are ZIPPED!” he zanily assured Andy.

That’s how Oscar longed to feel, viewed even by Michael with Andy. Too bad Andy was just a metrosexual with rather poor choice in women. Right… ? “That’s not a secret I’d like to keep,” Erin said, her eyes full of confidence. “If I like Andy, I am not going to hide it, okay Michael?” 

At this, Michael confusedly nodded, not picking up on what Erin was throwing down. Which was good -- she was directing it at Andy. Who followed with an unsubtle rejection. “Yeah, and we aren’t dating so there’s no secret anyway,” he insisted to an even more bewildered Michael. Observing this entire thing, Oscar felt petty and wrong for trying to dissect and analyze whether this implied a chance of him and Andy being a thing. 

“I totally [cough]do-not[cough] understand, guys,” Michael said, smiling a cheap smile before walking away and mouthing “what the fuck” as he did so.

“Sorry for bumping into you,” Andy told Oscar with a gentleness to his tone. But hostility loomed around anyway because of the wonky faux-heterosexual dynamic. 

Understandingly, Oscar curtly responded, “No worries.”

“I’m going to go home,” Erin weakly said, on the verge of tears. Now Andy felt greatly conflicted and guilty. He liked Erin a lot. Yet certain things were confusing him.

Blocking Erin’s attempt to stroll away miserably, Andy looked into her eyes with a forlorn look, suggesting sorrow. “It’s not wrong to feel that way. I understand if you’re upset. I just need some time to think, all right?”

His voice was soft, disarming, cradling even. It was untypical of him which is what made it all the more gratifying to hear. Erin seemed to react positively. “Thank you, Andy,” she whispered, before giving a tiny hug and walking away.

Outside alone with the cameraperson, Erin was smiling a marvelously wide smile. Her lipstick was glowing in the streetlight. “That was kinda harsh at first, but I can vibe with an ‘I just need some time to think’,” she spoke dreamily, doing a poor masculine voice for Andy’s statement.

And inside, Oscar peered at Andy, who was still intently looming over the spot where the jukebox was. “Jukebox gone… Andy mourn,” he joked, doing a poor Hulk impression.

“I just found a bar nearby with a jukebox. Want to go there?” Oscar offered, as though it were a simple enough suggestion and a spur-of-the-moment solution. His voice hid the effort that went into finding it and trying to diffuse the terrible anxiety that Andy was clearly experiencing.

Instead of gazing at the empty spot, Andy now looked at Oscar. The smile began in his eyes, spread to his cheeks, and finally pulled his lips upwards. “Oh my God, Oscar. That is the friggin’ BEST, man!” Andy was so indescribably happy. Not to have the jukebox, but to have Oscar, who cared enough to search for one.

“You’re welcome,” Oscar said smugly, thrown off by an immediate hug from Andy that moved him somewhere deep inside. Somewhere he hadn’t felt anything in a long time. It was such a short hug, but the feeling made it eternal. “C’mon, you’re squeezing me,” Oscar breathed.

“I know,” Andy breathed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just terrible. Here!


	5. Afterparty

The bar that Andy and Oscar headed to was called “Sweet Oak Tavern”, and as far as Oscar knew, it was ancient. But it fit the description of a bar with a jukebox. It seemed that alone would appease his much tipsier friend. “Here we are,” he told Andy, who tumbled at his side and nearly tripped going through the door. Oscar’s eyes widened and he dove to protect Andy, sheltering his side and hoisting him back up. Either Andy wasn’t as heavy as he looked, or Oscar had gotten stronger. That, and seeing Andy almost get hurt, even non-seriously, sent a jolt of adrenaline down Oscar’s spine. “You okay?” he asked Andy, who was red in the face from the embarrassment.

“Don’t even ask, you know I’m fine,” he sputtered in reply, coughing for a second or two. Then he stood up with performative stiffness and gave Oscar a nod. “Now, let’s hope they have _I Will Survive_ on that jukebox,” Andy grinned, leading him to it and reading down the list. He really was invested in music and it warmed Oscar’s heart. Oscar cherished his interests, his passion, and he surprisingly wasn’t disgusted by such a song choice. And as a matter of fact, it was on the jukebox, bringing some of that regular spirit to Andy back. 

As the song played, Andy sang along quirkily and made silly expression in an attempt to entertain Oscar. He’d done more than enough already, because he received rare giggles from the coworker. “Dance with me!” he said, doing a stupid head whip.

“This is not your Prom Night plus, Andy, and it’s definitely no environment for dancing,” Oscar diffused with a stale sense about him. Truly, he would love to dance with Andy like that entirely uninhibited, but the audiences’ watchful eye made him dread the proposition.

Confused and likely not sure what the problem was, Andy asked, “What? Is it me? Am I embarrassing you?”

The genuine pain in Andy’s voice as he feared the threat of judgement made Oscar’s heart clench and quiver. Puppy dog eyes alone could crush it, but the combination of genuine pain and fear had Oscar suppressing his own. “No, you’re embarrassing yourself,” Oscar started, before doing a terrible spin that turned into a nonsensical adaption of the Egyptian twist dance move. Now they both held back their uproarious laughter, amused and delighted with each other. 

“That was adorable,” Andy joked, calling Oscar’s dancing bad.

Oscar tutted and replied without thinking, “You’re adorable.”

An awkwardness drifted between them and manifested into a cold and bizarre aura. “Um… I mean,” Andy choked, shying away. Fittingly, the song ended right about then, too. Their eyes locked in the sorrow ruminating between them. Each blink added to the weight of the tension. “Not as much as you,” Andy said in a strained voice. There was a great heap of guilt for him to say those words -- he really didn’t think he was allowed to. And after Angela, he kind of assumed everyone was too good for him, but Oscar even more so. Oscar was someone he doubted he deserved to be _friends_ with sometimes.

At this moment, Oscar began to approach Andy, his eyes blurring and body twitching. This felt unreal. He felt that at any moment he’d wake up. In fact, he had many dreams like this, but they were usually about cyclists or old friends from college. Definitely not about Andy Bernard… 

Andy’s phone destroyed the set-up by ringing. Caller ID read “Erin” and he grimaced at his phone. “Sorry, I have got to take this,” he miserably told Oscar.

“That’s fine. Don’t worry,” Oscar said confidently. His tone may have been convincing, but he was panicking, and maybe even a little bit annoyed.

Sure enough, Andy stepped aside to answer his phone. “Mhm?”

“It’s me, Erin. I just wanted to ask if you’d be down to see me tomorrow night. I was thinking we could go on an impromptu shopping spree.” 

“Oh, probably.” Andy said apathetically, stressed by this sudden and unexpected call.

“... Probably?”

“I mean, yes, let’s go, Erin. I’m sorry, I’m just kind of tired… partied way too hard, know what I’m sayin’?” Andy said lamely. Erin laughed anyway.

Now Andy got a tap on the shoulder from a frustrated Oscar. “Hey, I’m going to go. This was fun,” Oscar said exhaustedly with a forced smile. _Why do I have to be such a naive and foolish person to fall in love with him? He’s going to end up with ginger Goldilocks, have 2.5 kids and live in an averagely priced house in a suburban district of a medium-sized town,_ Oscar bitterly thought to himself, mentally preparing himself to go home, binge-read sensationalist articles, take a depression-length shower (which for him was approximately an hour) and try to sleep.

“Oh w-well, goodbye! I’ll see you on Monday,” Andy said a bit sadly, with hints of nervousness and a dash of self-hatred. They had only just arrived minutes ago, so the hasty exit was upsetting.

Now Oscar made the walk of shame to his car. He pulled open the door, got in the driver’s seat, and began to scream. Once he had gotten all of the screams out of his system, he dipped his head onto the steering wheel in a bout of sadness. “If only self-driving cars were plausibly within my immediate future,” he complained to himself. Reluctantly, he tore the key to the right and started the engine, driving himself home. And when he got there, he got out of his car as efficiently as possible, and ran straight to his room. His bed was already made, as he never left it unmade. He laid atop it, on his stomach, crying into it. This was a low point. A shamefully low point in his life that he was crying over likely unreciprocated love from someone he thought would never do anything but embarrass him. How Andy tugged his heart strings now was undoubtedly ironic. Ironic, and sad. 

“Let’s look at those sick hours.”


	6. Plastic Lovers

It was a Saturday morning, the day of which Erin and Andy were meant to go an “impromptu shopping spree” together. Andy rose from his bed, lazily glancing at his alarm clock and seeing the red digits glare “10:24 am”. Now he rolled from his bed, dragging the blanket he’d been covered with onto the floor with him as he did so. Very bizarrely, Andy received a kick of a troubled feeling in his chest. It was like this inexplicable heartache, a longing and guilty feeling about something he was incapable of putting words to. Although, visions did surface in his mind’s eye. Clearly, he could play back the memory of dancing with his coworker Oscar to that Jukebox hit, before Erin gave him a call. He could fuzzily make out a pained feeling from last night. This was a thought process that was starting to give him a frustrating anxiety, a sadness that was bound to be as manic as it was disheartening. 

He checked his phone to see a text from Erin. “See u at 6?” it read, definitely implicating that they’d meet at six in the evening. This brought Andy to reply, “Where?” No response came within the moment, so he began to get dressed. He still had plenty of time to mess around beyond getting ready. And he had… a really strange want to contact Oscar. Though, he didn’t have his number, only his work email, and that made things kind of awkward. Oscar was a really good friend. _With rather nice hair,_ Andy thought endearingly, before clenching his throat. _And a soft face…_

Erin replied to Andy’s text, sending one announcing that they should feet at the Target entrance of a nearby mall. It was a terrible mall, though, and this was bound to be a boring date. _I shouldn’t be so gloomy… this could be fine,_ Andy mentally pepped himself. Of course, the self-destructive nature directing this thought was not just a distaste for the mall. Matter of fact, Andy adored going out to the store more than many. His bedroom had a glorious titanium white china hutch in it (that was relatively unscathed somehow) littered with knick-knacks he’d gathered over the years. To name a few objects, he had an antique ship-in-a-bottle, a platinum turtle pendant, a large amethyst tree, a zen garden, a jewelry box with fancy emblems embroidered into its fabric layer out of gold-colored material, making fantastic fleur-de-lis. Come to think of it, Andy might have been a shopaholic. He didn’t EVER wear jewelry, he was simply drawn to purchasing it. He also always did so alone. When he was around Erin in the store, he’d pretend to be disinterested with getting anything for himself, out of a weird obligatory feeling of shame.

Now he looked through his closet for an outfit. And went with a suit he’d wear to the branch on the regular, plain, unchanging. It almost made Andy insecure to be seen out of the attire unless playing a character of some sort. Now, he basically felt ready. He’d just shower, get dressed, and maybe sing along to some musicals or something while he waited. He sang alone often. The attention of singing for others was better, but he was not clueless to peoples’ derisive attitude towards his sporadic breaking into song. So this was how he often had to do it. In the shower, he sang songs from _Into the Woods,_ even female parts that were too high for him. Evidently the man had a Steven Sondheim fetish. To him, it’d be weird not to.

Out of the shower, he dried off, got dressed, did some light shaving and tended to the more faceted layers of hygiene. And a single glance in the mirror after putting on deodorant sent him shivering into his own dysphoria. “I’m so ugly,” he quietly said, as though he didn’t want anyone else to hear. Nobody was in his home, let alone near his bathroom, but he still felt the need to have a hushed tone. Maybe it soothed his own negative feelings about himself. 

Again, he thought of people prettier than himself, people he compared himself to. First Erin waved into his brain, doing uncharacteristic spins to show off her silky hair, and smiling like she did with her entire lovely face. And then Oscar came into view as well -- which made Andy even more confused with himself. If he were to say it in terms of what he believed others would think, he did not think Oscar was the icon of attractiveness. Yet he was also very attracted to Oscar and felt it would be a lie to not recognize Oscar as attractive. _Yes,_ Andy thought as he spat the toothpaste foam into the sink and rinsed his mouth out with water, _I’d say he’s like an eight._

\---

After a couple of hours of moping around the house, eating cereal, and recurrently singing and tending to his hygiene, Andy finally got in his car to go to the mall. This mall was very shabby, honestly. It was completely bare bones and denying that was pointless. Once he pulled into the parking lot, he saw Erin in front of the mall, patiently standing in front of a column for him. “Hey!” she called out, cupping her hands around her mouth with excitement filling her voice. 

“Haha, hey there!” Andy replied in a quirky voice, before getting out of his car, shutting the door with a single push and waltzing over. “You look nice,” Andy yelled to her now, still approaching.

“Thank you, you look the same!” she returned teasingly, acknowledging that while she had worn a yellow jacket with a white shirt underneath tucked into a black-and-yellow horizontal striped skirt, Andy wore what he would to work. She wouldn’t say, but it disappointed her a little bit how tame that was. 

“Why THANK you,” Andy replied with an overcooked laugh before the two of them walking side-by-side into the mall. Even entering, a chill cradled his shoulders. As if to counter something that Erin was not even aware of, she lightly clung to his arm. Surely, Miss Hannon did not want to wait for Andy to make a choice. A relationship with him was an idea that had her antzy as well. 

Before they could pass Target, Erin pointed to it. “I get cheap clocks here!” she quacked at him, giving him that wide smile that he thought could win awards. Her appearance was so effortless to him. Being around her actually heightened his self-deprecating ideas about his body through this. Thinking she was dazzlingly and beautiful, and seeing himself to compare and… well… 

“All right! Let’s get some clocks, then? Why do you even need to buy a bunch of clocks?”

“Uh, so I can tell the time in different styles and colors, like blue and roman numerals!” she retorted.

Alone, to the camera, Erin whispered shamefully, “Actually, I can’t read roman numerals.”

They trudged into the Target together and passed a couple of people. A jolt fluttered through Andy when an elderly woman stopped them with a chipper expression. “Oh, you young’uns look delightful together… so delightful. Are you two husband and wife?”

This brought a magnificent rush of euphoria to Erin, who had a loving smirk grow from its motivational seed. “Oh, more like boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe one day, you know?”

Now Andy felt sick, sick and shy. Stammering, sweat giving his forehead a subtle glow, he replied, “Um, well…” and he figured that with all this pressure on him, he might as well say, “basically.”

The lady nodded, “Me and my hubby were the same, but hey. As long you don’t have no bastard, you should be good,” she said in her finite wisdom. Cringing, Andy and Erin gave uncomfortable statements of false agreement and diffused that interaction so they could leave it. 

“Yeowch, that was bad, right?” Erin giggled, referencing the comment about children born out of marriage. 

In reply, Andy gulped and rasped weakly from his faint feeling, “Yeah, it was.” The nauseating pangs were making him dizzy and exhausted. Each step made his legs wobble more. Erin was looking at socks, and his legs were so weak. He knew nothing was the matter but nerves. And he was so anxious. 

“Andy? You okay?” Erin asked concernedly. 

Getting a question about his condition only worsened it. “No, not really. I think I’m going to be sick.”

She frowned. “We can just do this some other time, I’d understand.”

“Yeah, I mean,” he faintly wheezed, “you are my girlfriend, so.”

But it was not “so”. Their relationship was built on a compulsive basis, their dynamic was totally dysfunctional. After Friday night, some of that dysfunction had already seeped in between them. Like when Michael got confused by their conflicting ideas surrounding their relationship status. And when Andy and Oscar basically ditched Erin, only for Andy to ditch Oscar. Things were going terribly wrong. In spite of this, Erin said, “I am so happy!” 

Then Andy threw up.


	7. Desolation

“Gil, please, I did not call you so you could rant about musical artists,” Oscar sighed, rubbing his temple. He’d slept until two in the afternoon this Saturday. Somehow, that didn’t fill him with the usual feeling of guilt. Maybe because it was already inside him.

“Oh, I’m _sorry_ Oscar, you just wanted to call so you could rant about yourself?” Gil struck back, with an insulting and awful attitude. He was not a good person; an archetypal “catty gay” that Oscar had striven to leave. But now he was lonely. So lonely and let down. In his dispirited melancholy, he had sunken to the low of contacting his mean ex. God, did it send him reeling back to reality. 

“Why didn’t you ever treat me like I was your partner, instead of your ‘boyfriend’?”

“What the Hell are you talking about?” 

“You didn’t love me. You loved being able to be a gay man in a relationship. I wasn’t your partner, or your close friend. I was your title. We weren’t intimate at all, Gil. You treated this like a sexual calendar and not a relationship,” Oscar babbled in a fit of rage, in a way he’d never spoken to him before. It wasn’t rational to bring his ex back in for a game of beat-em-up, but it was strangely satisfying. Like he’d held his tongue the entire time and sat on these feelings. “I think you’re a bad person. A terrible one. You treated your sister Madeleine as terrible as you are on the inside.”

“What am I supposed to say? I’m sorry? You’re berating me over everything I’ve ever done,” Gil bickered coldly. On the other end of things, Oscar swore he’d rolled his eyes during this sentence in particular. 

“No, because that’d be a lie. But at least you can accept the truth about yourself. Goodbye.” He pressed the “end call” button with insane haste before crumbling into his bed and writhing onto his pillow. After all the pathetic bed-ridden tearfests, it was probable he was going to need to wash this pillowcase. Trying to comfort himself, Oscar tried to imagine things that relieved him while taking deep breaths. First, it was a large golden retriever, jumping into the air to catch a frisbee in a sunny park. Then a cyclist charging through the finish line to put up their arms triumphantly. And then he and Andy, situated on the ferris wheel together, hands intertwined as they let their skin shine with the fluorescent lights. _NO! No Andy,_ he reminded himself, feeling pitiful. He tried again to visualize peaceful things.

The city streets being relaxed at night, with the street light polluting the buildings in its orange-yellow light. The texture of a cool leather couch. Spinning a refracting gemstone through a light source. Hand-holding. With someone. Before he could stop it, that someone in his imagination was Andy. They also went for imaginary ice cream and saw a community theatre production together. It was magical. Until Oscar’s daydream ended.

“I have a problem.” 

Saying it aloud, as he walked across his bedroom to stare out the window into the space of the daytime streets. He felt like an addict. Addicted to the attention of Andy, the companionship of him. Before, he believed it to be to the companionship of two friends, but it was becomingly increasingly obvious how he really felt. Over time a small flame had developed and flickered on, like it represented the nature of their bond. It constantly getting tall and large, before shrinking in on itself, like a threatened candle wick. Their relationship - friendship, it was so up and down. Each up was a massively exciting and misleading experience, as the down that followed would have magnified severity depending on the prior height of the “up”. 

Oscar’s hand trembled over his phone. He wanted to ask Pam if she had Andy’s phone number. This mortified him, but he struggled to suppress it. He tried to think of a lie. Going onto his balcony, he sat with his phone in his sweating palms, eyeing the sky’s drifting clouds and street’s drifting traffic. The scene was enigmatic, almost. “Pam, do you have Andy’s number? He borrowed some of my CDs a while ago and I wanted to get in touch with him about it.”

Yes, it was entirely untruthful, which Oscar felt remorse for, but it was an easy lie to tell. Believable, characteristic, approachable. He hoped. That was just what he assured himself to justify saying it. 

Ten minutes later, he got a reply. “Yeah, here you go. I’m surprised I had it: XXX-XXX-XXXX.”

Now he felt extremely creepy, just because of the fact he liked Andy. He wanted to make an approach as a friend. He wanted to test the waters -- see if there was a chance that Andy did have a taste for him. Mostly he felt that it concerned sexuality, but even if it wasn’t about that, he already felt visually unappealing. “Thank you Pam, you are a lifesaver,” he texted back swiftly. Now he went to tapping away at a message to Andy. This was much more difficult than texting Pam a bold-faced lie.

_How do I explain getting his number?_ He internally groaned at his own lack of hindsight. This was the worst. A string of lies that he can’t even keep up with… “Hey Andy, just won two tickets to the Wicked tour on the radio, so I asked Pam for your number! Wanna come with?”

This was a lie, except that it would be a lie that Oscar stuck to. He was going to buy those tickets now, whether Andy replied yes or no. He knew that Andy loved musicals and this was likely another one he’d geek out about.

There was no response from Andy at all.

Not when 3:00 came, or 4:00 came. Not at 6:00 or 7:00. When Oscar was planning on sleeping, he pet his dog and refilled their food dish. “I love you, little thing,” he croaked, trying not to give into the current depression he felt. He had never felt so snivelling before.

He had fixed himself a bowl of rice and curry. It was really plain store-bought curry. It wasn’t nearly as spicy as the package suggested. After weakly eating it, he went onto the webpage for the _Wicked_ tickets prices.

Right as he did so, he was drawn away from his computer screen and to a phone notification.

“Are u kidding me? What is this sorcery(get it)...lol. U bet I’m coming.”

Satisfaction revitalized Oscar. “That is such good news, ‘Nard Dog’. Glad that seat won’t be wasted.”

“Me 2.”

Something about even the messages Andy sent made his heart all fuzzy and weird. Once in his bed, he lay on his back and looked at the ceiling. The resoundingly relieving message was occupying every thought. A single thing was certain, though. Oscar Martinez was recklessly and dangerously in love. He was also entrenched in the dangerous and uncertain kind of love. And it was destroying him. And it was rebuilding him. It was amazing, it was terrifying, it wasn’t anything new but it certainly wasn’t the same old same old either.

The fact they’d go together relieved Oscar enough to go to bed without lingering. This was rare even when he wasn’t hopelessly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope nobody despises how this fic has evolved asifhjbajblabnfkasnfnoma


	8. Hunch

“So apparently last weekend, Andy and Erin started dating. I'm happy for them, but…” Pam said to the camera, seeming slightly illegitimate about being happy for the couple. She was on the verge of finishing her sentence when Jim, at her side, spoke for her.

“Pam has a ‘hunch’ Oscar and Andy have a thing,” he sighed, a bit disgruntled with that theory apparently, as he very aggressively put the word hunch in air quotes.

“Awwww Jim! I wanted to say it. And it is **not** just a hunch. Anyway, it's not like I'm happy to think that in light of Erin and Andy's relationship,” Pam justified meekly. Then she turned to Jim and asked, “Why are you so grumpy about it, anyway?”

“Nothing. Just amused by you playing matchmaker,” Jim chuckled. Seconds later he appeared to the camera unaccompanied. “Sue me. I just don't see it,” he seemed to bitterly admit, doing a shrug with his hands. It wasn't an angry bitterness, just like a sour one based in a petty frustration. The footage cut to them in their usual desks, when Pam leaned over to Jim and began to talk.

“So, my theory began when I saw Andy get all insecure about Oscar saying they could be professional. It was totally telling to me how Oscar complied to Andy like that. Normally he’d be all like,” she said as she continued to do a very bad Oscar impression, “‘Andy, this is ridiculous, I’m not saying that…’ but he loves him too much!” That last part came out as more of a delighted squeal. 

Now Jim made a gruff and apparent face of disagreement at this analysis -- and also the Oscar impression. “Beesly, how do you know that Oscar didn’t just feel sorry for Andy being pathetic? And this doesn’t prove at all that Andy reciprocates,” he rushedly argued.

This made Pam blink a couple times and glance to her side. She was alarmed by how defensive he was becoming about this. _Dear God, don’t let Jim be a homophobe,_ she prayed. Slowly, she composed herself enough to reply without any similar amount of harshness, “See, I don’t know. I think Andy may have been in denial about his sexuality this whole time and still struggles. Meanwhile, Oscar has been going out of way to communicate with him, and for Oscar to do that with any ‘straight’ guy, it's totally because of a crush."

Thinking her words over, Jim seemed to understand exactly what she said. He’d actually noticed this behavior too, but had written it off. “Okay, Pam, maybe you’re onto something…”

“Yes!”

“Last week, I heard Oscar ask Andy about Cornell. What sane man would ever wish that upon that himself?” Jim excellently put into a rhetorical statement, realizing how blind he’d been.

“It just doesn’t make sense!!!” Pam buzzed in excited agreement. The thrill of potential love exhilarated the woman.

Hands placed over his mouth, Jim seemed genuinely distraught about this. He slid them down and spoke carefully. “We need to find Oscar a good boyfriend,” he confidently concluded.

Pam dissented. This implied that the boyfriend was not, in fact, Andy. She knew that there was something mutualistic there between the two office workers. She could just feel it. Although she was a bit more doubtful due to Jim’s personal uncertainty. “I guess,” she said with a hand running through the side of her hair.

Seconds later, Andy and Oscar walked past them laughing together. “Fiyeroooooooooo!” sang-yelled Andy until he was out of breath. This got an enormous laugh from Oscar. “Ohhhh, Pam am I happy that you gave Oscar my number so he could give me that _Wicked_ seat,” Andy thanked her, which gathered immediate suspicion from Jim. The idea that the two were in love was not as bizarre as he’d originally thought. 

“Yes, Pam, thank you so much!” Oscar said with a tight-knit expression and discomfort from the truth coming that much closer to being revealed; it would mortify him if Andy were to discover that the _Wicked_ thing was mostly based on lies, other than that there were tickets and they would be going together. 

Confusedly, Pam nodded, “Oh, okay. I hope you two have so much fun… at _Wicked_...”

Oscar appeared in confessional right then, to interrupt the scene’s progression. “Please, PLEASE Pam I am begging you to be cool about this. Please,” he whimpered before pinching the bridge of his nose and clenching his eyes shut. A single tear trickled down his right cheek.

Now Andy appeared in confessional. “I always thought I’d see this musical with like, the girl of my dreams. It’s only one of my **top-favs** and I’ve just been too lazy to go see it. Although…” he said, scratching the back of his neck timidly, “I’m betting that seeing it with Oscar will be even better.”

The scene continued to unravel with Pam and Jim scrambling to keep their cool. For Oscar’s sake. “Elphaba is like, mad hot. That’s why Fiyero is perfect for her. He’s like insane-hot.”

“Profound,” Oscar agreed with blush on his cheeks. Erin had been listening in curiously this whole time from the reception desk. She was even a bit annoyed that after their weekend out Andy did not acknowledge her when arriving. Her presence went unrecognized, like she was nothing. That scathed.

Erin now entered the conversation with an almost forcefully lively attitude. “That is an amazing musical you guys are seeing together. If only I could go too, haha. Like, I love that part where Dorothy meets the--”

Cattily, Oscar walked away with his back to Erin as he spat, “That’s something else.”

At this, Erin shook her head and frowned with surprise and sadness. No one really treated Erin that inconsiderately, other than Stanley, and all Erin had to do to change that was give Stanley a donut or wave five bucks in front of his face. But Oscar was nothing short of an enigma to someone immature like Erin. She gave Andy a sad look as though she wanted him to say something, but he didn’t. He just gave her a thumbs up and unaffected wink before strolling to his desk. “Catch ya later, Erin.”

Now Jim said to Pam when this quieted down, “I feel awful.”

“Yeah,” she whispered lowly, hurt by her own pride for being correct about the pair. It wasn’t fair to Erin -- or Andy, for that matter, that both were roped in like this. They needed someone to meddle and show them they weren’t right for each other. At least Pam deluded herself into thinking this so she could mentally pardon involving herself in Andy and Oscar’s relationship. “We need to do something.”

“Pam. No.”

“Pam, _yes.”_


	9. Confidant Web

Pam slowly approached her coworker in the kitchen area with a worried look staining her face. She was going to get a cup of tea, yet with Oscar in her way she knew it would be a gateway to a difficult conversation. “So… Oscar,” Pam breathed nervously from behind him to initiate the conversation. When he turned around, she saw his eye-bags and perpetual grimace. That made her pity him more than she already did at the moment. “Why didn’t you just offer _Wicked_ tickets to Andy without lying to him?”

“What are you talking about, Pam? I didn’t lie about any… thing. I didn’t lie about anything,” Oscar scrambled, blinking at an abnormal rate. 

“Well. You asked for Andy’s number to _get back CDs.”_

“But then um,” Oscar replied, doing his best to compose himself, “I also realized I could totally offer Andy a seat after I won those tickets.”

Now Pam was getting a bit annoyed with trying to coax a confession out of Oscar. “Look. Oscar, I love radio prizes. I love online prizes. I literally buy the yogurt brand with the lottery codes even if it tastes worse. And I am very certain that there were no _Wicked_ tickets. Please talk to me.”

Deciding after that whether or not he should surrender the truth to Pam, Oscar took a deep breath. Clearly she knew what she was talking about and would not be fooled or satisfied with a lame excuse. “... It was really expensive, Pam,” he whispered after glancing left and right, voice strained with insurmountable shame. Much to his surprise, she did not respond by scolding him. Instead she opened up her arms for a hug, and he softly obliged.

“It’ll be okay,” she assured him before pulling away and slowly grabbing the tea bag she planned to steep. “Do you know if he likes you?” she said cautiously, hoping that Oscar did. If Oscar didn’t know that, there was bound to be even more tension and dread. It wasn’t exactly easy to be in love with someone who was dating someone else. That only grew to be more complex if you didn’t even think the person was capable of being attracted to you -- since nobody was sure on Andy’s sexuality. Neither was Andy.

“Um, I can’t tell, Pam,” Oscar admitted with that same shame from seconds ago coming through.

Thinking for a moment, Pam began to boil some water in a tea kettle. She wondered about Erin and Andy. It did seem like Andy had been interested in Erin before, but it was almost like Oscar and Andy were so much more magnetic that it drew Andy from Erin... to Oscar. “I think you should be very honest with Andy and tell him how you feel. And whatever happens, you’ll at least know how _he_ feels,” Pam decided lucidly, trying to muster the best advice that she could. And before Oscar could reply, he glanced over at the camera recording the both of them. Like a deer in headlights, he stared before shutting up. Silently, he indicated to Pam that they were recording, and she face-palmed before whispering and covering her mic. Oscar did the same. They both seemed happier and calmer, so when Oscar did the walk back to his desk from the camera, he waved at it. 

Pam spoke in confessional now. “Yes. I know you saw it. But hey! Stop filming us like that, all right? No more candid videos,” she giggled. “But I’m serious, no more,” she added, demeanor changing.

***

Jim finished up a sales call with an average client, nothing worth celebrating. Simply a business that renewed their paper supply every year or so with minor modifications. As he laid the phone down, Andy leaned over to him from across the desk aisle. “Hey Tuna,” he greeted, evidently having waited for Jim to finish his call.

“Yeah?” Jim asked, amused but not enough to ignore how ridiculous this was. He did want to know what this was about, but he was not nearly as intrigued as he would be talking to Dwight.

“You know like, how you get when you have a crush on someone, and your chest is all like, dangly and weird, and your tongue doesn’t work? Even when it used to make beautiful songs, it still doesn’t work properly?”

Sighing, Jim nodded. “What, were you gonna sing for Erin or something like that?”

Embarrassed, Andy shook his head, “No, no, nothin’ like that Tuna. I was just wondering if you’ve ever gotten it for a friend before?”

Immediately, Jim glanced to the camera, before biting his lip and taking a stealthy deep breath. “I haven’t,” he told Andy truthfully, amazed.

Now Andy appeared to get a bit antsy about that reply. “Really? Okay. I’m sure you’re just an outlier or something,” Andy stated the unsupported idea, not wanting to further validate that he likes Oscar. That was the comforting reasoning, until Phyllis intruded.

"That definitely has never happened to me. Maybe it's gas," Phyllis suggested, to which Andy grunted and rolled his eyes.

"No, Phyllis, it isn't gas. Seriously…" now Andy rolled over next to Jim, who responded by leaning away a tad. "Tuna, how'd you know with Pam you'd found like, _the one?"_

"Well, we were really close for a long time, through many stages of life. And through each one we found each other."

As Jim finished explaining this it clearly struck a chord with Andy. Although Andy didn't function to similarly to Jim at all. Then entered Pam with a mug of loose leaf apple spice tea, which was truly rich in flavor. She lowered her mug and herself at the same time to settle into the desk. "Jim, um," she almost began to gossip to her husband, before seeing Andy nearby. "You should try this tea," she pretended to recommend, winking badly.

Letting out a snort, Jim answered, "Yeah, I should."

Erin had been listening the entire time, the camera snapping to a visual of her scowling in Andy and Jim's direction. She had her suspicions about what was happening, and it was quietly aggravating her. And she was also slightly confused about what was going on, trying to deny it.

Once the end of the work day came, Jim and Pam shared what they'd learned. "Oscar admitted he likes Andy and I said to tell him," Pam began, trying not to sound as overwhelmingly excited. She wanted to be responsible with this information.

"Andy asked me if you could have the same feelings that you do when you're in love for a friend," Jim said only to bury Pam's revelation with his own.

"WHAT? He didn't!"

"Totally did."

Jealousy formed as a charmed smile on Pam's face. "I told you. Anyway, I wonder if that musical will bring anything."

***

Erin was the last to leave the office. Alone, she sat behind the desk, on the floor. She was lost in thought all by herself. Wondering how she and Andy were going to work going on like this. Everyday, it felt like he treated her more distantly. Balling her hands into fists, she suppressed a wave of tears. _No more,_ she told herself. _I'm stronger than this._

A really strange thing happened. Someone came back into the office. It was Phyllis. "Damn it, I keep forgetting those keys," she moaned as she walked over to her desk and retrieved them. But she lifted her head in surprise as she heard the faintest sniffle in the hushed environment.

"Erin?"

"Yes?" Erin shyly called back, taking a dizzy rise and wobbling at the suddenness of it. 

"We'll get you a nice young man. Andy's ugly anyway," Phyllis backhandedly tried to comfort her. 

"I'm no good. I thought he wanted me and now he wants nothing to do with me," she teared up.

"Don't say that. We're all good for something. Why don't you go with Kelly for drinks or something? She knows her way around the fish of the sea," Phyllis tried, basically implying that Erin should break up with Andy and experiment.

"This isn't about fishing, Phyllis!"


	10. The Setup

The _Wicked_ date was approaching. And things had been heating up since. One such thing of major significance is that Erin began talking with Kelly. What of, one may wonder.

Their conversation occurred the day after Erin had her breakdown in the office. She went to Kelly with Phyllis’ advice in mind. Her main hope was that somehow this would help her work things out with Andy. “Hey Kelly,” Erin faltered, approaching her from behind.

Immediately Kelly clicked off her current tab and swiveled around with a smile. “OMG, I was totally online shopping just now, don’t tell.”

“I promise I won’t,” agreed Erin with a little laugh, as if the two were grade schoolers.

“What’s up?” Kelly asked, grabbing a flavored chapstick from her desk and applying it as she asked, smacking her lips sensually.

For a moment, Erin considered whether or not this was really something she should be telling someone else. Especially someone such as Kelly. She decided to anyway. “It’s about Andy…”

“That twerp? What the Hell did he do to you, huh?” snapped Kelly without further prompting. Although Erin was feeling the same rage yesterday, she did not mirror it here.

“Well, I just… it seems like, maybe he likes Oscar more than me? Every time I try to talk to him he seems bored or scared, and yet every time I’m not with him, he’s somewhere with Oscar talking about The Wicked of Oz or whatever,” she griped.

“What a hoe! Erin, queen, you deserve a faithful man. If he places his friends above you, then he is nothing,” Kelly snippily said. “Isn’t that right, Ryan?” she pried to the nearby coworker.

Nervously but slightly apathetically, Ryan huffed, “Yeah, um, I guess.” Then he shuffled away and gave the camera a glare on his way out.

“See? That’s how a real man talks about treating his princess,” Kelly stated with a false and inflated sense of pride. If Erin were a more sensible person this would have turned her away in a heartbeat. The answer to the question of whether Erin possessed sense or not, however, was no.

“Right. Is there a way to fix it?”

“You leave like all of that to me, Erin. I’ll take care of his unfaithful, sorry behind and you won’t even have’ta worry anymore.”

This made Erin shiver a bit. “Are you going to… _kill him?”_ she whispered through her terror.

Now Kelly gave Erin a look of pity. God this girl was dumb. And Kelly knew dumb, she almost solely hung out with girls you’d describe with that adjective and others synonymous with it. “No, Erin, I am not going to kill our coworker and your boyfriend Andy.”

Erin breathed an unnecessary sigh of relief. It did snap to the camera momentarily, Erin being the one in focus. “I wouldn’t be an accessory if she did, right?”

It was then brought to Kelly, who shrilly exclaimed, “Did she REALLY FUCKING SAY THAT?”

***

Andy was at his desk mulling over a long paragraph he’d been trying to write. It’d taken him more than an hour, because he kept rereading and editing and tweaking it. His anxiety had spiked too, his right leg bouncing up and down nervously. Someone noticed this from their spot -- Oscar. He shot Andy a look, hoping he’d notice and go talk to him discreetly. But he didn’t. Whatever Andy was working on had consumed the entirety of his focus in a concerning way.

_Dear Erin, I think you are really cute and I like you a lot. I don’t know if we should date anymore though. I have a lot going on that is hard for me to say. It is so confusing I don’t even understand it all myself. You are an amazing coworker and friend, and a beautiful young woman. This has nothing to do with that. I’m just not sure about this and it’s been sitting with me for a while now._

He kept reading it over, clamping his eyes shut hard when the reality of its emotional laziness hit him. Talking to Erin in person had been becoming progressively more difficult for Andy, because he knows he has a tendency to freak out when things go wrong. He didn’t want to freak out in front of Erin, even if breaking up over text was extremely uncomfortable and cringe-inducing. Before he could read this again to see what revisions to make, Oscar stealthily tapped him on the shoulder. “Can we talk?” Oscar whispered, almost intimately to the sitting Andy.

“I gue-- suppose so,” Andy stuttered violently, taking no time at all to be filled with two different kinds of thrill. One formed by his adrenaline and anxiety, and the other formed by the exciting closeness Oscar had to him right now. Oscar smelled strongly of pumpkin spice and pine for whatever reason, and Andy loved it. It only furthered to make him more incoherent with its intoxicating aroma.

“Although um... maybe not here,” Oscar rephrased softly, knowing it wasn’t the place or time. Pam gave him an encouraging smile from across the room, which he tried to ignore so Andy would not notice. “After work, you could meet me at that same tavern? From before.”

“You could just come to my house,” Andy blurted, wanting desperately to have a closer interaction than the work-casual meet-up practice of going to the bar.

“Oh. Um. Okay, I will,” Oscar replied, flustered at first but smiling. “Text me your address, Andy, and I will see you later. Six thirty all right?”

“It’s LITERALLY perfect!” Andy almost roared before several people looked up from their computers or even held their phones to their chests.

Now Dwight rolled his eyes and decided to direct his ever-burning flame of pretention at Andy. “Can you please be quiet, Corn-elle? We are trying to work. I know that your kind may not understand that, since you do have some of the worst stats of anyone here.”

“Talking to coworkers like that is VERY inappropriate, Dwight,” Oscar furiously spoke in at a slightly higher volume, saying this before Andy had a chance to react.

In response, Dwight repeated what he said in a mocking tone. That made Oscar’s blood boil. “Stop talking right now,” he said with the most sincere anger he’d possibly ever had with anyone in the office. And Dwight, someone who’d usually continuously egg someone on if possible, pursed his lips embarrassedly and went back to work. 

Pam was nervously smiling, but also smiling out of how amazing that was to see. “It feels like Oscar is so much more of a person,” she whispered to Jim. 

“He wasn’t before?” he giggled back to her.

“Well, it’s like with teachers. Don't you remember how you couldn't imagine them outside their job? This is the most I've seen Oscar express himself.”

“Makes sense,” Jim concurred with a nod and thoughtful look. “But I always imagined teachers just going back to their coffins and sleeping till school started again.”

Right then, Kelly Kapoor stormed into the area with her eyes set on Andy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me this long. Also, I really hope it's okay it's so slow-burn

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry office fandom


End file.
